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Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Brick walls

Over the past few weeks I've been busy sketching away and working hard on a mixture of projects. Many of these are just in the terrible ugly rough stage in my almost full sketchbook.

Being a creative person can be so draining sometimes and only another creative person can understand this. I remember mentioning how emotionally and mentally drained I was from the amount of work I was producing to a friend who replied with what's the problem? you enjoy it right?
Of course I do love creating work, it's what I live for and something that makes me who I am but the thing is sometimes it does get exhausting. You put so much of yourself and your own emotions in to the work and sometimes it really does suck the energy straight out of you. Somebody who doesn't create doesn't fully understand what you put in to a sketch or painting or sculpture or for that matter a piece of music, writing or drama.

The thing is over the past few months I've had this plan, these big goals that are really huge for me and I've been so pushy with myself to meet these goals that when I don't due to illness or life reasons I get flustered and overwhelmed by everything and it's enough to make me want to quit and give up.
Over the last few months I have wanted to give up. Too many times and sometimes it hasn't just been the art side of my life I want to give up on, sometimes I just become so overwhelmed it leaves me feeling so confused and muddled and so alone.

This is not an easy path for me to take. I get looked down on for not having an art degree or for not reaching for a regular job.
For someone with my confidence issues it is probably a crazy path to take! But then again I always seem to take the crazy path.

I guess the main problem I've had is the pressure I've been putting on myself.
I hit an artists block because I found myself creating things because I had to and not only that I had to do it perfect and by a certain time... this of course did not get me anywhere, well it made my work in to something that was causing me stress and anxiety. Of course my natural reaction, I couldn't work. I stopped and any work I did create was worryingly bad. For a while I was certain that I'd lost any talent I'd once had!
So I guess what I'm planning now, with no pressure at all is to start creating again but for fun. I'll have plenty of time for pressure and anxiety when I get somewhere but right now is a time for working on anything that I'll enjoy and getting my love of creating back.

So over the past few weeks I got back in to graphite and doodles.

The second is rather large at A3 and was done using no references. I was extremely proud of this piece.

So the next few weeks will consist of doing my own work no matter what that work is.
Sometimes artists need a little break to work out where they are and where they want to go.

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