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Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Some Days...

Some days things are tough.

Some days you feel rotten.

Some days you feel like you're to blame for every bad thing in the world.

Some days confidence is like a distant memory.

Some days you regret getting upset and saying stupid things.

Some days you just want to go back to bed and start all over.

Some days you feel like all you do is hurt everyone you love.

Some days you just gotta get through it and get back in control.

I haven't been myself for the past few days... no idea why but I have been a right mope. I have not been fun to be around, believe me, I can't get away from myself and know I have been the most difficult person to be around.
I'm letting negative thoughts fill my mind, letting panic take over when I know there is no real reason to panic, letting myself become a bit of a monster... my own personal monster whom I despise.
It's like I become every bad comment I've ever received, I repeat them over and over, chewing it like a cow chews over cud.
And it drives me insane because any good happy thoughts get pushed to the back of my mind and get lost and I don't know about anyone else but when your happy gets lost you suddenly feel lost yourself.

I wanted to write this because like everyone, I am a normal person living a normal life with good times and bad times. In the past some people have seen me as someone who only has good times and I want to make sure that people know that's not true. I don't believe in moaning and whining. It works for some people sure but not for me. I would only dwell in shadows.

I feel sadness and fear. I feel emotional pain and I get absolutely terrified over my choices when it comes to my business. I get overwhelmed by the world around me just like everybody else. I have pity parties just like everybody else. I want to just curl up and forget the world.

But then I also feel happiness and joy, I see the beauty and magic in the world, watching a plant flower for the first time, watching a seed grow in to a great big tree, witnessing kindness, feeling such a strong love it takes my breath away.
I am what is called a passionate person, that's not in a dodgy way but I feel any emotion with such a strong passion it overwhelms me, sometimes to tears which can be ridiculously embarrassing as you can imagine when I'm just listening to a song or seeing something that makes my heart beat stronger.

I am blessed. I am blessed with so many beautiful things and people in my little world. I am blessed with strength and stubbornness, I am blessed with amazing people I meet online, I am blessed to have the talent I have, I am blessed to have my health and strong senses, I am blessed to feel emotions so intensely. I am blessed to be alive, to have amazing family and to have found my soul mate. I am blessed to have a bright amazing future ahead of me, I am blessed to be taking control of my life and my business. I am blessed to be me.

The thing is we all have good things in our lives, no matter how hard things get the is always a light. There is always something worth fighting for. And sure, feeling sad is a big part of life, it happens and I guess it makes the good times that little bit better than they would have been.
But when we feel sad we need to remember the good things that are there, we need to hold on to that light whether it be friends, loved ones, pets, job whatever it is! I forget this at times, I forgot this this morning and I wish I hadn't. I wish I hadn't let the shear fear and depression wash over me so much.

So I messed up but I want to put this out here, to show yes I am a normal person and to remind anyone else who is feeling similar that there is always light and you can find the good stuff in your life. You just have to stop and take a deep breath. You control your life, you control how hard you fight for something, you control your choices. Yes sometimes we get pushed in certain directions but we still have the choice.
We are in control of how we deal with things. We choose to give up or keep fighting.

Things may feel bad now but they will get better if you want them to. You can fight for your happiness.

I know this is a very random post from me and there is no artwork here. I guess this is life. Sometimes you step in a cow pat but the thing to remember is to wash it off and carry on on your adventure!
Just if you're feeling low, if you're upset, no matter why, even if you don't know the reason. Know that you are not alone and everything will be okay. You will get through this.


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